i am a
dog. lets put it this way. i am
man's best friend. in elementary school i was stephen's best friend, in high school i was pretty close to dhaval and reece not to mention fikri. then matriculation...lets see...there was arif, hafiz and amit; to them i'm practically a
dude. not much difference in uni too, i have very few girl best friends...i am almost always surrounded by men. men whom are still dear and close to me. but never, among these line of men in my life, not ever have i ended up with a
boyfriend.
according to statistics; i'm reliable, dependable, loyal, nice, smart, funny, witty, intelligent, blah blah blah all the stuff u use to describe ugly/fat girls. think movie clichés. think my best friend's wedding, four wedding's and a funeral, kuch kuch hota hai dammit. true these are all clichés, but i can relate to
jules [mbfw] and
fiona [4w1f]. in my reality i am
that girl who
gets with the guys but never
gets the guy. which leads to the worse part about being man's best friend; when u fall for them. well one actually.
jules and fionathis is the guy; despite your being different from other girls, who tells you to be urself no matter what others say, the person who is there after every heart break that tells you there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. the one who tells you how lucky a guy would be to be with a person like u and what they're missing out on by not being with me. the first name that pops up in your head whenever u have good news, bad news or when u have no news. the person who will immediately respond. need i say more?
but life doesn't promise a happy ending. albeit having pulled a
fiona; i am still a
dog. i hit the ball and got stuck in a killer sand pit in the middle of the
Par 3 course. as simple as a
Par 3 may seem, there are so many ways that fate can be written. mine in this case caused the ball to fly off in the direction of the rough, bounced off a tree, hit a duck in the pond, bounced onto a bald man's head who died upon impact and ended up in the pit in front of him. there are 2 possible ways to move on:
1. let go off the guy. [let tiger whack the ball back out onto the green]
2. open up to another guy. [take golfing lessons from tiger]
now, solution #1 would be the best solution but it would involve a lot of complications i cant even begin to describe. so we head on to solution #2. the problem with this is, well have i mentioned that i always end up as the guy's best friend? so i had to figure out where i went wrong. popular suggestions are...*drumroll*
dumb urself down. not in those exact words, but that's what it literally meant. in this new millenium i never thought we were still living in a world where a woman is burnt at the stakes for being a smart ass.
a shallow solution but i have not opened up myself or my heart to anyone else since...well, none other than this particular best friend. and i strongly feel that in order to move on i have to resort to #2...with different strategies. i'm extremely plain. i'm not pretty, i have no time for makeup, i dont embrace my "curves", i go out in tshirts n jeans all the time, i dont have an assortment of colourful shoes/jewelery/handbags to match every outfit or go to salons to get my hair done/treated, i dont have daddy issues and i am most definitely not
cute or
charming or
ayu as the malays say it
that can make your heart melt at first sight.
and yet, i am considered to be intimidating. i know too much for my own good, most of my closest friends are guys [and straight mind you], i own a lot of gadgets that most guys would dream of having [i play the ps2, psp, ps3, etc u name it! not so very typical
malay girl no?], i think girls owning gadgets but knowing shit about the fundamentals of its existence are ignorant and i'd marry a guy in this country who knows pablo neruda or che guevara [i despise people wearing che guevara tshirts and not knowing who he is; which suprisingly in this country, comprises of most people i meet]...and above all i am not a damsel in distress.
i figure out my own problems.seeing that all of the above is a violation to the law of attraction, i will try to be a different me. why be myself when it can lead to me ending up as another susan boyle? at least she's got a voice to redeem herself. what do i have? brains? bah humbug. feed them to the dogs.